13
August 06
[this week index]
Barnabas
In trouble with the neighbours over impromptu party, threatened with expletives and ASBOs and the like, although i've no idea why - i clearly intoned my wish for a night of good, clean, friendly and unobtrusive fun with the aid of a megaphone at full volume to some noisy revellers in our darkened back garden, so there could have been no doubt amongst the inhabitants of surrounding homes as to our good intentions.
"PLEASE BE QUIET! THIS IS A RESIDENTIAL AREA! I REPEAT, THIS IS A RESIDENTIAL AREA! PLEASE BE QUIET!"
The large hunk of portuguese manhood with whom we share the house was similarly unimpressed, despite the consideration i displayed by asking guests to move out of the hallway away from the bedroom where he was doggedly trying to grab some respite before his 5 am shift on the building site.
"PLEASE MOVE DOWNSTAIRS! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP! THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE HERE, PLEASE MOVE DOWNSTAIRS!"
Some people are just prejudiced - i suspect they only complained because i was wearing a dress, so narrow-minded! Had i been in a baseball cap and a trackies i'm sure they would have found it all perfectly acceptable, and probably even joined in. Although i will admit that muezzin-wailing a 3am call to prayer out the back door at volume 10 was perhaps a step too far, i'm sure that anyone in the vicinity uncertain of what time to get down to the mosque would've been extremely grateful.
So, it was all very community-minded really.
earlier posts
21 July 06 Bran
flakey AssRockit fuckhanded wankerness...
10
July 06 Exchange
your vital organ for this sight...
3 July 06 Obnoxious
curtain-twitching, abundant cack...
18 June 06 Salads,
comparisons and lucrative plans...
16 June 06 In
vicinity of croaky-voiced knobhead...
23 May 06 Reading
adoring considering feeling...
22 May 06 Understanding
"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!"...
4 May 06 A
smorgasbord of Biggie Smalls' balls...
1 May 06 Jet
leg fat leg peg leg dog leg bug leg zzzz...
26 April 06 It's
spring and everything's spinning out...
25 April 06 An
unfeasible amount of vegetables in cheese...
21 April 06
Four
hours later we were in Scarborough...
20 April 06 Interfrastically
digestible musings of doom...
11 April 06 Escalator
gustovator Wednesday-waiter...
10 April 06 I
can see my carpet! It's beige!...
24 March 06 LOOK
LOOK dancing Swampeyes...
2 March 06 Pummelled
by a novice for four pounds...
2 March 06 Cinnamony
imbecilic Mappy Pong arcadia...
2 March 06 Get
him real drunk, make him dance...
12 February 06 But what is the value of x?...
24 January 06
Drunkenness,
vomiting and 69...
15 January 06 Candlesticks
buffed, underlings nobbed...
10 January 06 Fencing,
pipe-smoking and procrastination...
10 January 06 High-pitched,
mid-volume screaming...
4 January 06 Awkward
midriff, shaven headed and dandy...
20 December 05
All
I want for Christmas, says Heidi, is...
16 December 05 Officials,
pleasantries, obituaries...
9 December 05 Shitdisco,
Depravikazi and too much cheese...
8 December 05 Happy
face or sad face? Damn variety!...
30 November 05
Stars
and sequins twinkling as you tinkle...
29 November 05 A
little Poe and an alarmingly fabulous time...
22 November 05 Geoffrey
and Geoffrey's boyfriend...
21 November 05 Vaginatron,
Test-Icicles and contraction...
2 November 05 'What
kind of high school stereotype are you?'...
26 October 05
Lengthy
ignorance of brief garden appeased...
26 October 05 Jesus.
Forced change is a right fucker...
26 October 05 The
systematic pilfering of my wardrobe items...
26 October 05 Unfortunate
breakage, pure filth and Buffy...
12 October 05 "OI'LL
KICK YER COHNT IN", etcetera...
10 October 05 Repopulated
by a bunch of unpalatable goths...
5 October 05 I
didn't know eyes could bear such sadness...
4 October 05 Nostalgic-optimistic-romantic
tragical-comical-...
27 September 05
Peach
schnapps/morse code machine...
19 September 05
Extra-head
paranoic engine drives fallacy...
14 September 05
Buggery
in oil, magician's box, foreign gent...
12 September 05
Soul-sapping
image capture, DJ Scotch Egg...
1 September 05 'Rhinoceros',
Camber Sands, vain hope...
26 August 05
Valpolicella-quaffing
Satanic Barbie, scones...
22 August 05 Fine
lines, icy bruises, Chris Isaak, absence...
18 August 05 Bruises
of a sick canary hue. And Soft Cell...
14 August 05 Bile,
breakdancing, barely controlled rage...
6 August 05 Moss-moist
eyes, Roman Holiday and ringing...
27 July 05 Begging,
borrowing and stealing. And gowns...
22 July 05 Tris's
"You're Generally Indie" quiz result...
21 July 05 Test-Icicles,
overeducated rightwing baboon...
20 July 05 Buffalo
66, red shoes and a new frock...
12 July 05 Diversions,
hair conditioner, pots of tea and idiots...
1 July 05 Angela
Carter, exotic fruits and pink person-stripes...
29 June 05 Dresden
Dolls, Tori Amos, enticing flatmate...
28 June 05 Welly
welding, ghost trains, vaginas, bitching...
16 June 05 Posh
biscuits; the courting potential of the library...
15 June 05 Martin
Amis, chicklit and money problems...
8 June 05 Rabies
jabs and the History of Western Philosophy...