Barnabas                                                 [the band index]

The tall stranger. Guitarist and synth player.

Beloved by sensitive ladies across the land. And indeed in the wider Empire.

1) Barnabas was raised exclusively by women in the wilds of Corfe Mullen, where he was taught their secret language and initiated into their mysteries, with the result that he now functions barely adequately as a male.

2) As a teenager and young adult he liked to obsess about impossibly pretty girls with largely imaginary personalities, writing wondrous songs about them, but never actually speaking to them, most especially not to tell them about the pedestal they were stood upon.

3) He has been variously compared to a greek god, a roman statue, jesus christ, michaelangelo's david, a medieval peasant, david essex, rory mcgragh of question of sport fame, and a fat version of chris from coldplay.

4) He is a photographer of little world-wide renown, specialising in moody black and white portraits of ground-breaking authors, who are, without fail, inspired, obscure and unpublished.

5) He finds sex and the city depressing - are women really so horribly incomplete without the addition of a man? are shoes really the next best alternative for said completion? would any man really want to complete such women? well, maybe miranda... or charlotte...

6) Barnabas wants smaller when he has larger, larger when he has smaller, darker when he has lighter, lighter when he has darker, exotic when he has familiar, familiar when he has exotic, many when he has one, one when he has many.

7) He is very modest, mainly for superstitious reasons.

8) He has a third nipple which yields up little or no sensation, but sends out waves of sexual energy, providing he's not feeling too knackered.